why is it so hard? why is the road so rough n tough?? i’m so tired…feel like leaving everything n just be there…where i dont have to face things that i am facing now…are You there? can You feel it? why is it so difficult, so painful, so hurtful all the time.. :’(
the narrow path…not an easy path…do You understand?
its so hot in the afternoon n i couldnt really sit well or do anything…arghh…back in ipoh for a few days and its so boring today la…i’ve even finish checking my emails n clearing up work…wish there’s more..haha
its been 2 months plus since i was home…guess another month my mum will disown me d…hehe..not to mention not getting any ang-pows during CNY..hahaha…
Caught grandpa in this cute pic…he’s enjoying his dragon fruit, @ tronoh, my childhood kampung..
suddenly thought of grandma…i miss her…they say grandpa always smile n laugh when he sees me…is it because i look like grandma? hehe…or maybe he likes seeing leng luis…i think he just like laughing at my silly look…:) since young when i started to understand and think properly, he’s already stroked..i was a bit afraid of grandpa last time…cos he always speak very loud when he’s unhappy…since i left home to KL 5 yrs ago (wow..its been 5 yrs..) i suddenly find myself missing the two old folks more n more..n now that grandma’s gone, i think…grandpa..like me too..miss her a lot…
many times, its often when we lost someone/something, that we find ourselves loving it so dear to our heart..at times, also, we have to learn to let go of things…even if its difficult…there’s a saying "if you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it is yours. If it does not, it was never meant to be…" right decisions can sometimes be very painful…No discipline seems pleasant at a time, but painful, however it produces a harvest of righteousness..
i recalled some past experience…and am glad that i walked thru it…thinking of a fren..n hope she’ll get over it soon too…
Someone shared about drifting away today…
you dont have to decide to drift away…drifting away from someone, something..does not require skills…without a determination to decide - Yes i will not drift away, you eventually will…no matter who or what is it…
it’s tough…to want to stay on the path…
somehow…i realized that…as this is tough, its also tough to decide, that i want to totally drift apart from something, or someone, some habit, or even some activities that i like…as much as i want to determine to stay on the way, i also want to be determine to drift apart from habits, emotions and things that will destruct me…This, i will say, requires even more determination & self control…not easy…yet…not impossible…
hmmm…interesting piece of thinking for the nite…i feel…so tired…wish…its all a dream…
wanted to blog…but dont know what to say…1 hour plus to midnite…hungry…
come on..its just a new year tomoro…but why is there a sudden chill in me? as if i’m going to cross the Red Sea tomoro…hmm…
cheer up cheer up dear princess…. 
somehow, tonite feels better to bid farewell to 2007…the nite’s so quiet and i’m alone here…a bit hungry…i’m tired…neck still stiff n leg feels like a bit cramp…but i cant sleep…or rather, i want to make myself more tired so that i can sleep thru the nite without waking up…for the past few nites it has been so 
and i really dislike the feeling as i ended up being so tired and had to force myself back to sleep…
2007…has been a great year…many testimonies given for the past few weeks…He knows better than anyone else…what i’ve went thru…the mountain top and valley experiences…i thank God that He is with me…
I dont know about 2008 and sometimes so afraid to think of it…yet…according to prophet Wilfred CCC, it’ll be a good year…hahahaha….and i believe it will…
wouldnt have time to blog about bidding farewell to 2007 tomorrow…glad that J&Y is coming over…i wouldnt want to spend my new year eve at home wandering…or sleeping early…neither do i want to go out and jam pack with the crowd…
for 2008??
Whatever a man think in his heart, so is he…
what do i want for this new year? Is it going to come true if i say i want it? Hmm…i think it will, if i desired it, work for it, and put reality into my own hands…growing up requires many decisions, choices and life experiences that some i wish its there and some i wish it isnt…well, too bad, life isnt like computer systems, where you can delete, save or create as how you want it all the time…
but who knows? All things are possible!! Cheer up…
Blessed new year to everyone…with love..
i got a call from CH that day asking me….why do we celebrate christmas?? i told him, Christmas day is the birth of Jesus…It actually is…i’m not totally wrong…but there are some clarifications though…
Yes Christmas does mark the birth of Christ, but 25th Dec wasnt the original date. The reason 25th Dec is used as the day to remember Christ birth, is because many many years ago, there lived a Saint (believed as Santa Claus). He’s a devoted Christian and because of His love to God, he would go around and give gifts, help the poor and share the goodness of Jesus on this day. Every year he will do that and because of this act of giving, many accepted Jesus and this love from God. Hence, Christmas day is a day for Christ’s birthday, and also because of this love of Jesus, Christmas day is a day for us to remember the poor and needy, to give presents and show love, and to tell the world, the God loves you!!
I bought myself a new red dress for Christmas My first one…N i had a few presents this year which i really appreciate a lot and thanks to all who are thoughtful and care for me…As Christmas marks the birth of Christ, it also echoes the meaning of life. It reminds me that life is more than i, me and myself…more than what i want, what i like, what i desire, and what i long for…
"Seek first His kingdom and righteousness, and all shall be added unto you." As we put Him first in our lives, we begin to realize that things will fall into place…
May you experience this life-changing love in this warm Christmas …and let Him journey with you in the coming year…
Bad news…princess is sick…
It has been a week since i’m down with flu…its so hard to put up with the nose-dripping-like-tap and ahuk-ahuk-coughing at nite…not to mention those horrible body pain that i dislike the most!
being sick tickles the alarm in me that i’ve been careless about my relationship with Mr.Healthy, not taking care of his emotions, his welfare, and messing around with those bad stuff like Mr.Fry-food, Mr.SleepLate, Mr.Curry…etc…hmm…naughty princess…
what makes things worse, is the unawareness and no self-control of holding back myself in these wrong ‘relationships’ when the alarm is already ringing…More late-nite sleeps and tiring days even when i’m sick! gosh…no wonder it takes so long to recover…hahaha…
hmm..i’ve also heard of a remedy for sickness…love, TLC and get more ppl to sayang you…haha…if any of my naughty colleagues are reading this, for sure they will say that its due to "lack of sex"…sigh…knowing them…trust me they’l say that.
i have a better version of healing…1 Peter 2:24: By His stripes we are healed…don’t believe it? Read it for yourself in the world’s best selling book…The story of the ultimate healer…
And at this point of time…i really need this touch of healing…help me to recover…
gosh i’m so so tired today and will be stucked with music practice this whole nite…my eyes closing…very soon…hmm?…still got heartbeat…means i’m still alive! hahaha…
I’ll be missing Y for this entire camp as she’s dumped us and go be sisters for her friends wedding…i hoped that i anticipate this camp more than i do now..somehow..hmm..Ash you feel the same huh?
Will be a full-packed weekend till Tues but my session is tomorrow so hopefully i’ll get to relax the rest of the 3 days there.
Hmm..thinking about mum as well…that lovely lady who has grown thinner and darker over these years…suddently miss her a lot…
雨 不停落下来
花 怎么都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人 欣赏悲哀
爱 只剩下无奈
我 一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹着空白
缺了一块 就不精采
紧紧相依的心如何 Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句 Say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快
心 有一句感慨
还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段 还在不在
紧紧相依的心如何 Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句 Say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快
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nice song…makes me think of a friend…guess i miss the friendship a lot…
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everyday’s a growing day…a changing day…and a learning day…am i too afraid of changes? am i too afraid of things i have to face as a grown up? am i too afraid of going thru the same trials over and over again? or am i too afraid that i will miss something that i didnt grab it on time?
hmm..silence..unsure？
But i’m thankful for one certain thing in the midst of all uncertainties…His love…His sovereignty..
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朋友。。只要你能愉快。。
Its been altogether a different trip back to ipoh this weekend…yes i’m excited and i still am even though i’ve gone thru the dinner last nite, and all the sisters games, ceremonies, driving up to Kepala Batas, waving goodbye and back to ipoh…and now i’m at home…feeling the dilemma of emotions…well i’m happy for her..yes i am…and not that i’m feeling the pinch cos i’m still single..(hahahahh..) but its just that…i suddently miss her…a lot…
I was looking at her…(dont think she knew it)…when we were reversing our car leaving CT’s house…i looked at her…and had tears in my eyes…still find it hard to believe…that my once little sister & always-jumping-around-naughty-princess-with-cute-alien-look..HM..is now married…
Wow…i even find it unbelievable when i mention those words again…she sound normal and stable…as i believe she has matured a lot all these years since we graduated from our rain-laughter-tears-sun guiding years..but i still feel that..i really wanted to tell CT:"Hey you..make sure you take good care of my friend ’cause we will all jump on you if you don’t. And we mean it."…
But looking at them..yeah…i believe they really make a good couple…my love and best wishes to both of you, 子泰 & 惠敏…May you both enjoy a blessed marriage with abundant love, joy and wonderful experience together.
Luv,
your chicky..
